All Of You

Why Your Falling Doesn't Cancel Your Calling

We often assume Judas’ betrayal is the only betrayal of Jesus in the gospels. But just after Judas exits the last supper, Jesus delivers some confusing words to the remaining eleven. Words that should cause us to reconsider that assumption. Jesus says “All of you will fall away…” This warning still echoes with us today.

Every disciple faces the moment when they must confront the difference between who they thought they were, and who they actually are.

Our failures can feel like permanent disqualifications. Especially the ones we didn’t think we were capable of. Peter didn’t believe he could fall. In this, Peter’s story is the story of us all. But what if your falling doesn’t cancel your calling?

In my last drop I took a deep look at the betrayal, psychology, and tragedy of Judas and his betrayal. It was a raw and hopefully convicting look at a figure who we commonly make into a cartoonish villain with whom we have nothing in common, but who actually remains a complex and sobering mirror for us all to look into. For as much as we would like to believe that we would NEVER do what Judas did - that we would NEVER sell Jesus for 30 pieces of silver…but when we get really honest it turns out that many of us - myself included have sold Jesus for far less than that.

It’s sobering to recognize that the distance between Judas and I isn’t as vast as I imagine it to be.

It’s humbling to admit that the seeds of his downfall are alive in our own assumptions, compromises, and the quiet bargains we make with God.

This time, I’m compelled to take one more look at Judas - but this time not Judas alone. What happens right after the end of the Last Supper probably escapes our notice if we aren’t locked in in with laser focus. The story moves quickly, and it’s easy to jump right into the trials of Jesus and the crucifixion. But Jesus take a moment to give a deep shot of perspective that His disciples were going to need to heed if their faith was going to survive what was about to happen. And as it turns out, it’s the same shot of perspective we as His disciples today need if our faith is going to survive too.

One Of These Things Is ‘EXACTLY’ Like The Others

Jesus has just eaten the Passover with the disciples. He has just, as a matter of fact, instituted communion and dismissed Judas as the betrayer in the full view of them all the rest. And then He says something challenging to them:

“This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” (Matthew 26:30)

Jesus alarmingly says that it’s not JUST Judas who was going to betray Him. The eleven are understandably taken aback. Moments before, while they were eating Jesus had said someone would betray Him. They all asked in disbelief “Lord is it I?” Almost as if to say “Surely not me Lord…so which of us??” The gospels recount that they ALL responded this way.

Jesus is now making it a point to let them ALL know that they do not hold moral superiority above Judas.

Judas was going to betray Jesus yes, BUT “ALL of you” need to know that each and every one of you is going to desert me as well. Jesus is warning them that none of them is above betrayal.

Of course, their response is “no we won’t”. Peter, ever the most brash and vocal of the bunch, is caught here playing a game of comparison. His response reveals that he views his own righteousness in light of the other disciples, and not in light of Jesus. So he responds “even if all of these fall away, I won’t”.

This moment should give us all pause. We must be careful not to be puffed up in our own ego and sense of right standing by comparing ourselves with others. How often do we fall into this trap telling ourselves: “even if all those other people do such and such we I always stand for what’s right.” How easy it is to slip into the trap of critical judgement at the falling of another “I would never be caught dead in that situation.” Or “I would never stoop so low.”

All of these exclamations of ego come from comparing ourselves and esteeming our own righteousness in comparison to other people. But righteousness isn’t measured in comparison between we and our neighbors, it’s measured by the standard of Jesus Christ – to whom we all fall woefully short in every conceivable way.

So common is this trap to the human nature that all of the disciples jump in agreeing with Peter, claiming that even if they have to die they will never betray, deny, or desert Jesus.

That Escalated Quickly

As we know, not long after this, things careen wildly out of control. Judas shows up with a mob. Peter takes off an ear. Jesus puts it back on. Jesus is arrested without resisting at all and expeditiously taken through 2 informal, illegal, sham trials before the high priests, another by Pontius Pilate, and is condemned to die all in one night.

Everything has come crashing down around the disciples, and it’s in his chaos that we find Peter without his moorings, or the backbone he’s flexed in the past in an outer courtyard. He had been following from a distance and watching all of this unfold, and the one who would “be willing to die” for Jesus was about to have his chance to show the quality of his character.

“…a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. But he denied it before them all. “I do not know what you are talking about,” he said. Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.” He denied it again, with an oath: “I do not know the man.” After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them: your accent gives you away.” Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I do not know the man.” Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.” -Matthew 26:69-75

I can relate to Peter. As he sits there with the sinking, cold, heavy, realization that they were actually going to kill Jesus… Everything that he has measured himself by…, everything that he believes in, everything that he thought has been torn away. What’s worse is that he has not lived up to who he said he was. He isn’t who he thought he was. In fact, he is exactly what he said he wasn’t…and so he weeps bitterly.

As he mourns, trying to reconcile what he had just done, I know Peter wondered if God could ever forgive such a crippling failure? Would God turn His face away? He knows he has committed the ultimate betrayal. I wonder if Peter thought he would ever even be able to forgive himself?

Peter was shocked that he was as broken and fearful as he had turned out to be. How could he, the great confessor and defender of the faith, come apart at the seams under the pressure of a servant girl.

A Greater Betrayal?

Too often we fail to realize the gravity of what Peter has just done. In that world, for a disciple to publicly disassociate with their rabbi is simply unheard of. It’s the truest form of spitting in the face of his teacher. In fact, some scholars and theologians argue that given the context, it could be argued that Peter’s denial of Jesus is in many ways a much deeper betrayal than that of Judas. But how?

It's important to consider that

Judas made his error while being misguided in his understanding of Jesus’s mission, but Peter refuses to associate with Jesus publicly at all.

It’s one thing to get the teaching of your rabbi wrong, we all fail in this way. Judas’s failure here happens to be of a level and severity that rises to the extreme. Yet and still, it is another thing altogether to publicly disassociate with your rabbi, effectively denying any connection, relationship, loyalty, or allegiance to them at all. At the roosters call, Peter realizes what he has done and no doubt hears Jesus own words in ringing loudly in his head “if you deny my before man I will deny you before my Father in heaven.” That’s how devastatingly serious Peter’s denial actually is.

I’ll See Myself Out

We only begin to glimpse the significance of this moment by piecing together the gospel accounts following the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. Most notably a brief line in Mark’s account (16:7), and then by looking intently at Jesus’s interaction with Peter at the end of the Gospel of John.

Beginning with the latter we see by this time, Peter has decided to go fishing. He’s gone back to his old life before Jesus. Why? It’s because

Peter understands that the nature of his betrayal means his time as a disciple is over. He has forsaken his rabbi. This is THE cardinal offense.

Even though he has by this point been to the empty tomb, in his mind, he’s no longer a disciple. He goes back to fishing because that was his trade. This isn’t even surprising to the other disciples because, strangely enough, they join him.

Before going any further, consider this: Without John’s Gospel, we would know very little about what happens to Peter until the book of Acts. The rest of the gospel accounts, aside from mentioning he runs to the tomb after the resurrection, stop recording Peter’s story after his denial in the courtyard.

It’s only because of the account of John, one of Peter’s best friends, that we get this personal and intimate look into the reinstatement of Peter as a disciple at all.

Without John’s gospel, we might be reading the book of Acts, where Peter is fully reinstated and leading the movement, asking “Hold up! How did Peter even get back in here?”

Mark’s account gives us a small but incredibly meaningful insight into this reality.

“But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen. He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’” -Mark 16:4–8.

Without knowing what to look for you may miss some the peculiar but intentional wording here. “go tell the disciples…AND Peter.”

Why the distinction between the two? It’s because if the angel doesn’t specify Peter’s name, the women are going to leave him out of the proclamation of the good news.

Peter is not a disciple anymore. Peter doesn’t even believe he is. It’s hard to wrap our minds around because we are so distant from the context of this moment and how the rabbinic world worked. Mark’s record shows us just how seriously Peter has blown it. Denying your rabbi is a mistake you do not expect to come back from.

Some see this as the reason why the gospels each emphatically and repeatedly throughout identify Judas as the betrayer of Jesus. Some scholars even argue it’s possible that a first-century reader, especially a Jewish one, would read the story and would identify Peter, not Judas as the betrayer. So it is that the gospels again and again keep reiterating directly that Judas is the betrayer to MAKE SURE we’re getting it right.

Better Than You Know Yourself

If denying your rabbi is the ‘greater’ betrayal of their time, then what is it then about this contrast between Peter and Judas that makes Judas the one who REALLY betrayed Jesus?

I believe it comes down to their response to their falling, and how their stories end. Both of these men make huge mistakes. One of them totally misunderstands who Jesus is and what kind of kingdom He’s bringing. The other has a similar misunderstanding, and then disassociates completely denying even the slightest connection to Jesus.

Both are devastatingly wrong, but one decides that their story ends there. The other decided they are willing look Jesus, and their failure in the eyes.

Think back to when Jesus preemptively told the disciples they would desert Him ahead of time, and when He told Peter ahead of time that he would deny Him not once, not twice, but thrice. Jesus then said, in the same breath that He would see them in Galilee on the other side. Jesus was way ahead of the events that would follow, including Peter’s betrayal and the scattering of the others. Despite this, He is making plans to continue the mission after the death and resurrection none of them can fathom is coming.

The implications of this are striking. It means that God’s faithfulness, Jesus’s mission, and most importantly Jesus’ love for you is NOT DEPENDENT ON YOUR PERFECT PERFORMANCE.

He knows us all the way to the bottom – even better than we know ourselves!! Jesus was already planning for Peter’s restoration before Peter’s betrayal even happened.

Someone may be reading this who has decided that God can’t use them because of what they’ve done, or mistakes they’ve made in the past. Another believes the lie that now that they’ve done “THAT” thing - their time as a disciple of Jesus is over, forever tainted, and that what God had originally called them to do in this world is now lost.

If that’s you, Jesus says you’re wrong.

Again - YOU. ARE. WRONG.

Someone told me a while back that when God made His plan for the world and included your life in it that He already figured your flaws and stupidity into the equation.

I felt that one.

Jesus can be knowing they are ALL going to fail Him miserably, and still be going ahead of them into Galilee because God has already done the math on this whole equation.

We would be wise, to remember in moments of stress and duress that GOD MATH DOESN’T MISS!

Your Falling Doesn’t Cancel Your Calling

Peter and Judas both betrayed Jesus. But Peter and Judas are vastly different. When Judas realized he had betrayed Jesus, in keeping with his M.O., he sees as the only solution an option drawn out of the same playbook that got him into this mess. He forces God’s hand one more time. Judas decides that there is NO coming back from this. He takes his own life because though his heart is overcome with guilt and grief: in his zeal he restricts what God can do -what Jesus can do.

He said something in his heart that probably isn’t too terribly unfamiliar to you:

“There’s no coming back from this.”

“I can’t be forgiven for this.”

“I don’t deserve to live.”

Then we have Peter, who has according to his worldview, committed the greater betrayal - the one there really should be no coming back from, and yet he has not hardened his heart further like Judas. Instead, what he has experienced has humbled his heart.

It’s subversively beautiful because this experience makes Peter even greater than he ever could have been without enduring it.

When Peter, who no longer considers himself among the disciples, hears the word of the gospel he still runs to see what has happened at the tomb. It shows he still loves Jesus - he still cares. In this passage at the end of the gospel of John where we saw Peter, not knowing where to go from here, return to his fishing trade we see him following a common human impulse.

“Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Galilee. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas, Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. “I am going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We will go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, have you any fish?” -John 21:1-5

Peter goes back to work. He goes back to what he knows, to what’s familiar. Maybe this is something he won’t fail catastrophically at. It’s worth asking ourselves how often we have time and again retreated into less than what God has called us to do in the same way? We answer God’s call and at the first sign of resistance, obstacles, or whiff of failure we immediately recoil and withdraw into the familiar.

Here’s the amazing part. Peter does not believe he’s a disciple anymore. But when he says he’s going fishing: the rest of the disciples go with him. Jesus shows up, and playfully taunts Peter and the others much like he did when He first called them to follow Him “have you any fish?”

Peter and the rest say “No.”

But what did Jesus tell Peter he was going to make him back at the very beginning when he first called him into discipleship?

He said “Follow me, and I will make you a fisher of men…”

And look in Peter’s boat, there are no fish, but there are all these men who are there standing beside him. These are disciples of Jesus, who even at Peter’s lowest moment, are still following him. And they’re following him because he has become exactly what Jesus promised him that he would become. He is, despite his greatest failure – a fisher of men.

Peter’s fall did not cancel out Jesus’s call!

In that boat, with no fish, Peter thinks he’s lost, and Jesus is reminding Him that

Jesus DOESN’T LOSE WHAT BELONGS TO HIM.

Their failure to catch any fish is a reminder to Peter and the others of what Jesus had actually called them to do and be. Peter caught no fish that night, but even in his weakness he had caught all the other men.

If you are reading this, you need to realize that whether you are at your best, or at your worst in this very moment, as a child of God you are CALLED to be a disciple maker and fulfill the purpose God has for you in this life. There are people in your vicinity RIGHT NOW who are watching you and following you whether you realize it or not.

Your Falling Has Not Cancelled Your Calling!

A Tale Of Two Hearts

After brunch on the beach, John records the intimate scene in which Peter goes for a walk with Jesus on the beach. Jesus presses Peter, making him confront all 3 of his denials, and at each confrontation He reiterates that the purpose for which He has called Peter has not changed.

“Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep…” -John 21:

Something important to realize about the way Peter answers Jesus is that what Peter has experienced is actually the very thing that has now made him able and worthy to fulfill Jesus’s call. When Jesus told the eleven that they would all betray Him on the Mount of Olives, it was Peter who said “even if all of these” fall away I will never betray you. Now Jesus confronts that very moment by asking Peter if he love Jesus “more than these.” Peter’s response is humble, now showing a changed heart in ignoring the temptation to compare himself to the others as he did before, “Yes Lord.” A second time Jesus asks him, and Peter’s response not comes closer to the biggest truth his heart was missing before “you know that I love you.” The reason it’s drawing Peter closer to the heart of his original betrayal is seen clearly in the third exchange when it becomes fully realized: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” This time Peter arrives all at once at the fullness of his failings and the fullness of his repentance. When Peter says “Lord, you know ALL things…” it signifies that Peter has not just confronted his failure, but he has both repented AND learned a lesson that has made him now able to walk the path Jesus has called him to.

When Jesus told Peter after the last supper that he would fall away, Peter looked him in the eyes and said in essence “No Jesus. I know me better than you know me.” What Peter thought was a declaration of great faith, was actually an arrogant assertion that revealed how vulnerable he actually was. Consider the audacity to look Jesus in the eyes, He by whom the entire creation is held together by a word of His power, and tell Him that He is wrong about anything. That He’s got you pegged wrong. That you know better than Him. Peter’s answer on the beach reveals that he is now aware of his error. “Lord you know ALL things…” And if you know all things - it means you know me better than I even know myself. But it also means you know that I love you.

Jesus responds to Peter’s courage, his repentance, and his growth by re-affirming His intention to partner with Peter in His mission for His world. We ought to think deeply and ask: if I met my own failures with courage, repentance, and the growth of my faith in Jesus – would He not meet me with the same mercy, grace, and mission?

We have all made terrible, even devastating mistakes. You and I alike have betrayed Jesus also. We’ve all sold Him for less than 30 pieces of silver over and over. None of that is in question. The question for you and I is whether in those failings we have let our heart become like Judas? Or the heart of Peter? Have our mistakes hardened our heart into the exact same pattern and fashion that led to the mistakes, or have they humbled and softened our heart into repentance – and the ability to receive what Jesus has for us?

Jesus had to let Peter call so that he would be able to fulfill his call. Have you considered that God may have taken the same approach with you? Has He let you fall so that you can learn what you need to learn to fulfill His call?

Peter was willing to FACE JESUS and his failures. And so must we if we are to become everything Jesus has called us to be.

Death Before Death

Judas decided he couldn’t face Jesus. Judas believed he was defined by his failures. And he ended his story before Jesus could write a new ending for him. Peter was willing to look Jesus in the eyes and there he realized that his failure didn’t define him, it refined him.

Our failures can either define us or refine us. Our heart will determine which.

You may push back on my assertion that the way you interpret your failures has given you the heart of Judas. It doesn’t’ seem to follow on the surface because Judas took his own life, and if you’re reading this, you’re still here.

No, you haven’t taken your own life physically, and for that I am glad. But I would encourage you to look inside and ask whether you have you just been killing yourself little by little emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually?

If in your despair over mistakes you’ve made you have said “there’s no coming back from this”.

“God can’t forgive this.”
“God can’t use someone as dirty and worthless as me.”
“What I’ve done is too shameful.”
“I’ve messed up too many times.”
“I’ve never been, and I’ll never be good enough.”

Then you are killing the calling that Jesus has given you in this life little by little.

I’m afraid many of us die long before they put us in the ground.

In our discouragement we become husks. Shells of what God had in mind when He formed us, walking around perpetually wallowing with the rope of our self-regret around our necks – a shame-filled prison of our own making. We rule ourselves out of God’s plans, and out of any responsibility to the call He’s given us.

With one breath we say Christ’s sacrifice covers and redeems all things and with the next we say “just not ones as bad as mine.”

This IS the heart of Judas: and the harrowing reality of it is that it turns one betrayal into a continuing sequence of unending betrayals. It means, like Peter did initially, we now look Jesus in the eyes to tell Him that He’s wrong about us. That He can’t use us. We know better than Him. It’s the death before death.

Praise be to God that we serve a King who has defeated and disarmed death.

Jesus’s question for you and I today is the same as it was to Peter: “My child, have you any fish?”

Jesus says “I still have a plan and a purpose for you. There’s no mistake or life I cannot redeem and work through for good. Let’s take a walk on the beach.”

The Meaning Of Betrayal

The only true betrayal of Jesus, and what He stands for is to believe that there’s no tomorrow for you. It’s to believe that there’s no coming back from this, whatever “this” is in your life. Judas decided his mistakes could not be overcome. Judas decided his story was going to end right there. Judas decided that God was not willing or capable of redeeming his mess.

And that’s why Judas is the one who actually betrays Jesus.

Jesus’ entire ministry from the beginning was, and always will be the living, breathing, walking revelation of the God of second, third, endless chances. He’s the God of endless hope, bottomless grace, and reckless love.

Peter was willing to walk on a beach with Jesus and face his greatest fears, his insecurities, and his greatest failures. He was willing to look through the disillusion of who he thought he was, the pain of who he actually is, and into the loving eyes of the one he had betrayed.

More than that, Peter was willing to trust that when Jesus said that he was still worth saving and still fit to be partnered with Jesus in His mission, that Jesus meant what He said. Because of this, Peter is able and willing to do what Judas couldn’t: he trusted Jesus to give him a new tomorrow.

Have you trusted Jesus to give you a new tomorrow? Or are you reliving the same story over and over, stuck in the prison of mistakes long past?

If that’s you, I want to remind you that the gospel of Jesus has always been a story about new tomorrows. This story has always been about allowing God to write incredible endings to our broken and tragic beginnings. This story has always been an invitation to trust God when He says you have value and acceptance and worth beyond your performance. It’s a persistent reminder that you aren’t defined by your deepest insecurities, or greatest fears, or your most devastating mistakes.

You are defined by the One who made you, redeemed you, called you, and still to this very moment - no matter what you’ve done, loves you and has a plan and purpose for you.

To the soul in this prison, I write this with all seriousness and hope that you will take it to heart. Stop killing yourself by thinking there’s no coming back from whatever it is you’ve told yourself disqualifies you.

Satan can’t take away the calling God has placed on your life. He can only discourage you into abandoning it.

All Of Us

Jesus told the disciples after the Last Supper that they ALL would betray Him for a reason. In so doing He told us that we ALL would. But He also told us that He was going before into Galilee, and this means that Jesus wants us to know that NONE of us are any better than Judas, we aren’t any better than Peter, and we aren’t any better than each other. We’re all in the same fishless boat. We ALL betray Jesus. We ALL fall short. But He IS going before us into Galilee and the meaningful future He has planned for us. Once we are confronted with the reality of our own brokenness, we ALL have the choice to harden our hearts like Judas, refusing to meet Jesus there on the beach where He wants to partner with us in His mission…or we can humble ourselves like Peter, and see how beautiful it is to realize that our King is the God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and endless chances - that Jesus NEVER loses what belongs to Him, and that your purpose on this planet can’t be taken away by your performance.

If you belong to Jesus your falling doesn’t cancel your calling: in the end it only makes it all the greater.

Peter’s denial and restoration are proof to us that failure is never the end of the story. Grace still waits on the shore, asking the same question: “Do you love me?”

This is not about the story of Peter and Judas. It’s about all of us.

Where have you turned away in fear, where have you decided your story ends here? That’s the place Jesus inviting you to return and to look Him in the eyes.

Take time to reflect, and if you are willing, share your thoughts in the comments. Your honesty may be the encouragement someone else needs to come back to take a walk with Jesus on the beach today. You never know who needs your story.

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